Tunnel InVision

When I seperate myself from something, it tends to make me just want it all that more.

Every time I entered my sister's car, I was always forced to listen to the same crappy music. It was always Dave Matthew's Band or John Mayer. I hated it. I made fun of their voices and made fun of their lyrics. My sister told me how that on facebook there was an application that said that the most favorite band of washington was Dave Matthew's band, and she promised my something; that I would sometime throughout my high school career learn to love them. I laughed at her hypothesis because I knew it wouldn't be true. This music was crap, come on. I liked way better music.

So my sister got a new laptop and I got hers, and all her iTunes was on it. I swear my sister had the entire discography of Dave Matthews band and John Mayer. I did kind of like her taste in music, it was chill and differnt then man because she had all these kinds of bands like oasis and stuff. So I would put it on shuffle and listen to random songs of her catalog. When I landed on Dave or John songs, I never went to the other song. Almost every time these came on I thought of her saying I would like these songs, and how I said I would never listen to them. I liked them now, but only because I was in secrecy. Maybe it was my stubbornness, because I would never admit to her that I listened to them while I blogged and did homework.

To me this was a forbidden pleasure. To the one person it concerned, she was not aware of my diverging in the music that I had told to her face that it was crappy. I don't know why I like it. I still think dave has a bad voice, and I still think john is gay. but I still listen to them. Like I said, i would never listen to them when she was even in the house. I can't help but think that imt is a form of my stubbornness attempting to show guilt and respect for her being right about me wanting to listen to them.

I think this can apply to anything someone tells you about yourself that you stubbornly and embarressingly defy. When someone brings up these things and we push it away verbally, it only comes up to us mentally even stronger. I guess it is that push and pull method, as the further away a pendulum swings away from you, the further it is going to come back.