The reason why I tell bad jokes

What is Michal De Montaigne's favorite soda drink? Montaigne Dew!


Lots of my jokes are pretty bad. My jokes tend to end with my recipient with a face palm reaction. Yet, I still contineously shell them out. It is almost embarressing when i saw something that I think is funny, yet no one laughs with me. But sometimes, the reason is not laughing with me, but at me. That in my mind is pure success. As long as the person I am speaking to is laughing, I could not care less of what I end up looking like.

Laughing is what some people consider the ultimate medicine. Joy can be a shotgun full of endorphines that can release into a brain, and I think that a joke can trigger this joy shotgun. I am such a giving person. I spread joy by giving face palm reactions. I think on the inside they are laughing. It is crucial to feel that you at least like your jokes, even if no one else does. Not only do I (think at least) am 'spreading this joy' I am also making myself happy in the process.

I come up with my joes usually from the same process. It is an extremely simple minded process. Take a word that sounds like something, and use it in that context of the something. That is what a pun is. America loves puns. Such as in the 1930's the president's favorite toy to swing around his waist was the 'hoover hoop' (like hula hoop? I know, that was really really bad, but It was funnier [to myself] at the time when I said it). So creating puns is not a hard process.

America loves to laugh!


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College

To answer my own question in the title of this blog, I have no idea. So if you are here searching for the answers, this is not the place. However, if you are with me on the same level, and want to meet me half way, we should first define what our questions are. I think that is we are going to try to get to the place where we can answer our questions; we need to think of them first.

So college, yes, it is no doubt that it is in the front (or back) of all high schoolers minds. Our lives are obsessed and addicted to it. It is all some of us think about. I worry almost everyday about it. College, the time after high school. Do my grades exactly correlate what college I can get into? And better yet, does whatever college I get into define my income job right after college, and then so if A=B and B=C does my grades and ACT score define the REST OF MY ENTIRE LIFE? But then I just keep being anxious. That is what they tell us. They tell us getting into college is important. They say to have a safety school. And they are warping our minds to tell us without a good college degree we are only setting ourselves up for failure. Maybe they are a little modest and saying they are not trying to warp our brains. Yet still, everyday they tell me high school is only important because afterwards it determines what college you go to.

But then that brings up the question of what college is right for me. Do I want to find a balance of 50% fun 50% academics? Or do I want to discipline myself into 100% and no play? yet, that makes me a dull boy. I need to find the perfect balance of college. I have no idea what that perfect balance is, but I think the only way to find it is through trial and error.

So I got what I am going to do there, now where am I going to go? What if I don't get into the one that I think is perfect for me? Holy crap, I don't even know which one is perfect for me! The common thoughts about a small school: all they do is study, and I might be missing out on the (quote unquote) college experience. Yet, if I go to a typical big school, I don't want to get lost. (Not physically, I mean mentally). Personally, I have always been able to deal and find my way in unfamiliar circumstances, so I don't think it will be a huge problem. But what if it is? I don't know!

College. It is important. That is what they tell us, and I have been brainwashed into believing them. It is current preoccupying my life indirectly, and soon it will directly. That is why I am nervous about it. But honestly, I think I need to just go with the flow and accept what comes my way.



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Why I Write

This is one of those mandatory 7th grade revised essays that everyone has to do at some point in their life. It is when their angry white-haired english teacher forces everyone to sit down and do a web outline defining why they write. Why do we write? It seems obvious, to get an A grade in english class. It seems that is the absolute only reason why high schoolers and middle schoolers write. None of them sit down and open a word document for any other reason. Word seems to be always started with their name and date in the top right hand corner; followed by a few lines of seperation, a title, and then five paragraphs double spaced. Yes, this is one of the reasons I write. But I can say it is not the only reason why.

I write about my experiences. Many times when I have time on my hands I open up a word document. From there, I move forward. I go back in time to some moments I have chosen in my life that I feel is important. These moments are what I write about, but I do not JUST write about these times. I do so much more; I define them. I define everything that happened that night. I do this in order to clarify, and I clarify everything. That is why I feel it is important for myself to go back into these moments and observe the life that happened. Memories can become distant, fuzzy, and unclear when they are shoved to the back of the bus that is your memory. That is why I do this. I think it needs to be brought back into the light. Not only do I enjoy rethinking about things that have happened to me, I learn from them.

Everyone says that the past can repeat itself. That is another reason I feel the need to waft away the smog that covers my memories. I believe strongly that the more clear our memories are, the easier we are able to replicate what we would like to happen if we were ever put in a similar situation. So that is why I write. I write to define my life. My life is unique from anyone else's, and I like to keep it that way. It is interesting to myself to see what I think about things. That is why I write. I write for myself, not anyone else. And yes, I write to not only declare my past, I write to define my future.



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THE SUPER BOWL

Yes, the super bowl. The time of passes, kickoffs, and bud light commercials. (On side note this year, all the commercials sucked. Usually they are the part I look forward to, and the only one I actually enjoyed this year was the one where the chickens were all screaming because Denys has a new eggs and bacon special). So yes, I did sit down and watch the game and I actually watched the whole thing, with no preference for a winning team, just the want for a good game. And yes, it was a damn good game!

But the reason why I blogged about the super bowl, there is something that I noticed that blew my mind. The competition between fans. The fans of each team for this day were polar opposites. One blue, the other yellow. Colts and Saints. It almost seemed as if they hated each other, and I would not doubt that they didn't hate each other. These fans of the game, enemies at the sidelines, were still allies in every other single way. So that brings me to my theses statement; these fans of opposing teams, even though they were enemies at this day, it is amazing the hatred can arise when they are still united under such things as being americans.

Healthy competition? I don't think so, I think it is sick. All united under the cause of something (as trite) such as patriotism. The golden rule maybe? Treat others the way you want to be treated? Only if you want to be screamed at maybe. I just think it is nuts how these people can be so seperated on something as stupid as love for their favorite football team. Love should come from other people, not a bunch of beefy guys throwing a pigskin.

Besides, I like college football, go texas!






denny's grandslam deal commercial. for some reason, all the ads this year were appealing to the dimwitted, so I decided to join them and I lol'd pretty hard at this one.

Avatar

johnnycat.com, avatar movie


Avatar was a super sweet awesome movie. This is another one of those subjective posts where I talk about an event I went to and really liked it. Not one of those serious social psychology topics I like to try to focus on normally. But, rather, I am going to talk about how much I enjoyed watching the movie, Avatar directed by James Cameron.

So the movie was about a guy named Jake Sully that is a paraplegic that is able to use an 'avatar' body. I am sure everyone has heard of the plot and I don't need to explain the go green save the planet morals that Al Gore wrote for the movie. But I will talk about the 3d. It was worth the extra few bucks I had to shell out because it was pretty damn cool. Of course the theatre was PACKED and I had to sit in like the second row so the 3d wasn't at its full potential, but it was still cool. I think that movies will only continue to use this technology is today's world. It is becoming more and more advanced. They say that in 10 or so years (I can't remember honestly) that all television sets in our homes will have this three dimensional capabilities.

Another thing that baffled me was that the movie had such fantastic success. Of course, some people think it is party due to the extra costs that are being spent on the 3d part, but also it is because of how sweet the movie was. It was the most expensive movie ever made, and yet it has acquired more domestic gross (or whatever) income then any other movie, passing titantic. This almost scared me because it makes me think things are only becoming bigger and bigger. Things are becoming more mass globalized like big businesses are taking over. I just think that when there is something as huge as a movie like Avatar, it can crush all its smaller competition. It is the dictator of movies at the moment.

I am going to see the movie again tomorrow, call me a hipicrite. But like I have said repeatively, the movie was so awesome. I support this political machine.

Sloth is a Sin

yourkidsnotgoingpro


Being lazy is pretty easy. It can be done anywhere, and really at any time. I have been pretty lazy most of my life, but there have been lazier people everywhere I look. I am not the laziest, and I am not the hardest working person, but I can say that I am pretty high on a scale of 1-10 on the laziness scale. So yes, I can honestly say I am being repetitive to achieve word count, and being repetitive to achieve something like word count is not always a bad thing, it is a form of success. Just like being lazy, it is a form of success.

The first and foremost way to be lazy is taking your time. Life (regardless to popular opinion) takes a long time to complete. So you gotta take your time, for if you go too fast, you gotta slow down or you might miss it (I murdered that line from forrest buelers day off, I can't remember it entirely to be honest) So yes, I do take my time when I do things. My biggest way I did this was when I was working at my high school job. To the managers there, I was just another high school stupid worker, so I was told, "Hey go change that trash can." or something trivial like "hey go do that 3 second task." What the heck do they want me to do when I am done? They could seriously tell me to do something that takes more then 3 seconds, of course I am going to come back in 7 seconds and ask, "Alright, what the heck now do you want me to do?" So, maybe it is a form of smiteing in my own mind, but I sure do take my time when I am given these stupid tasks to complete. If I finished efficiently and in a quirkey manner, I guess the only thing I am going to have to do is more stupid tasks and maybe even a possible 10 cent an hour raise in the next 4 months!

I am sort of weird when it comes to procrastination. But I think it is pretty effective. I always wait until the last night to do something (except blogging, its wednesday! Shocker right?) And I can honestly say that sometimes the best work comes out from it. It is created in a panic 'ohshit' sort of manner that forces me to focus on the task at hand, finishing whatever I need to do. When faced with an ultimatum, of course I need to finish it. The arguments against it are 'its not your best work, and you might not finish other work' but hey, if i get a good grade on it, and I am able to breeze through my other classes without taking a late grade, finishing a project at 11:15 at night doesn't sound too bad when thats the consequence for not doing it earlier.

Laziness helps me keep myself at my own minimum standards and honestly I think i should be a little more hardworking... nahhhhhhh

Everything I am going to do with my children

I am going to whip them into shape. Hell yeah I am. My children are going to be so badass you have no idea. Someday when I have kids they are going to be so cool, they will probably have six packs by like 3rd grade, because thats one of the most important things I am going to stress on my kids, being healthy. I do think that being healthy is a really good thing that is taken for granted in our society. Not only being healthy, but usually good looking comes with it. Some people say that you can never think your children are ugly, but I have a hella eye for detail so I am going to make sure they look good and wear nice clothes.


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Another thing I am going to force upon my children are the skills they need to survive. Survivability skills such as musical talent. Piano to be exact. I never took piano as a child and I sort of wish I did. I am going to force it upon them from like age 6 to about age 35. Maybe then I will let them make decisions for themselves, but only at age 35 when they have been married (once or twice, not sure yet).

That brings me to my children dating. I can already say that if I have a daughter, I am going to keep an eye on her boyfriend. AT ALL TIMES! Oh man if I even found him holding my daughters hand, I think I would pull him aside and say (idea from blue collar comedy guys) "My daughter is my world, and if you ever think about touching her I don't mind going back to prison." I think that is the only way to find a good boyfriend for my daughter. If my girlfriend's dad said that to me, holy crap I would shit myself. As for if I have a son, and I would merely tell him to keep it in his pants, and if he gets a girl pregnant, I am going to neuter him. Pretty simple.

So yeah, I can't wait to have children of my own. Apparently it is rewarding because people have been doing it for all eternity. I think I would find a little more enjoyment in messing with my children then from going to their 4th grade choir concerts (those just sound like a bunch of kids screaming, its awful). Having my kids is going to be great.