Everything I am going to do with my children

I am going to whip them into shape. Hell yeah I am. My children are going to be so badass you have no idea. Someday when I have kids they are going to be so cool, they will probably have six packs by like 3rd grade, because thats one of the most important things I am going to stress on my kids, being healthy. I do think that being healthy is a really good thing that is taken for granted in our society. Not only being healthy, but usually good looking comes with it. Some people say that you can never think your children are ugly, but I have a hella eye for detail so I am going to make sure they look good and wear nice clothes.


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Another thing I am going to force upon my children are the skills they need to survive. Survivability skills such as musical talent. Piano to be exact. I never took piano as a child and I sort of wish I did. I am going to force it upon them from like age 6 to about age 35. Maybe then I will let them make decisions for themselves, but only at age 35 when they have been married (once or twice, not sure yet).

That brings me to my children dating. I can already say that if I have a daughter, I am going to keep an eye on her boyfriend. AT ALL TIMES! Oh man if I even found him holding my daughters hand, I think I would pull him aside and say (idea from blue collar comedy guys) "My daughter is my world, and if you ever think about touching her I don't mind going back to prison." I think that is the only way to find a good boyfriend for my daughter. If my girlfriend's dad said that to me, holy crap I would shit myself. As for if I have a son, and I would merely tell him to keep it in his pants, and if he gets a girl pregnant, I am going to neuter him. Pretty simple.

So yeah, I can't wait to have children of my own. Apparently it is rewarding because people have been doing it for all eternity. I think I would find a little more enjoyment in messing with my children then from going to their 4th grade choir concerts (those just sound like a bunch of kids screaming, its awful). Having my kids is going to be great.