more Karma

So I feel sort of bad, I was pretty mean to this guy. You see, in the musical, as rambled on before, I was in charge of moving the stinking stairs. Another 'stage tech' person was this other kid who seems a little different. He was in charge of moving the cube, alone with 3 other kids. He just really pissed everyone off in so many ways. I could blog 1200 words in a week easily just talking about him pissing me off, but thats not really what this post is about. It is about what I felt towards him, it was sort of weird. He would piss me off so so so bad and then I would be mean to him. He wasn't the one to stick up for himself very much. Afterward, I would feel terrible. It was almost like I was bipolar between pity and hatred.

In the middle of a scene, he walked off because he needed a drink. he just went off. We were so mad at him, I don't know how to handle this, as he seemed to be like a two year old. And when he got back, he said that he was not ignorant. I don't get how someone can be not ignorant yet so oblivious at the same time. I even stared him down one time. Yet after these moments, I still continued to feel bad for bullying this kid. I happened to know he liked to play rock paper scissors, so I played that with him. I immediately switched to the pitiful mood.

I wonder what this guy thinks of me. I wonder if he thinks that I am a bully, because I sure do think I was one. Yet I tried to make amends and be nice and give him a birthday present (which was a free burrito card from my wallet to pancheros). I would personally hate someone who was a jerk to me and then tried to be nice to make up for the mean times they acted like a jerk to me. I just don't know how to get things like not getting him to walk around behind the stage where the audience can see him without getting frustrated and angry at him.. don't get me wrong, after we got mad he didn't do it again, but that doesn't mean it felt good to do.

I think this one goes to karma to decide. How my karma ended up here? I am not sure, I think it is somewhere from neutral to bad. I am going to say sorry, but would it really mean anything? Just because it is over that means it won't happen again, but if the musical wasn't over I would still most likely get just as pissed at him. I still feel bad.



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