grades

We got our midterms today. My grades were pretty good I guess. I mean, I actually started to work hard in classes and I actually began to get good grades. Getting them wern't not too hard to do either, it just required labor. That is what the key to success in GPA is, laborious work. The corrolation, I feel, is there and astounding. It also, amazingly as it sounds, feels pretty good to get good grades. Never in high school did I actually try at getting high grades as I have this term and last, and I regret not trying this hard in the past. I mean, I got a C in AP World history, and now I am cranking out A's in AP classes.

I think that also this new extreme nationalism for good grades has been acquired from my past bad grades. When I visited the University of Texas for a college tour, I began to realize, "Oh Crap, my gpa where it is now will not get me into this college." And thinking this really sucked. I mean, i want the option to go to any college I want, and hearing the admissions officer talk I realized just how important class rank is. It was rediculous, because it almost sounded like that was the only thing that they took into consideration! So I cracked down on grades. I started, believe it or not, studying. It is not hard to get a 3.0 without ever looking at a textbook, but getting a 4.0 is a lot harder.

So I think I am going to continue to try to get these good grades. Next year won't be so easy, because I am going to be in a few MORE AP classes. Right now I have found a delicate balance between AP classes and regular classes... but next year it will be all focus on grades. This is sort of going to suck, I just hope that I can get a good GPA the first term, and then senioritis grades the last terms!


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so you think you can dance? no, i don't

today I decided to go out on a whim and try out for show choir. this is something big for me because i have been the chairman of anti-showchoir for probably the past 10 years. It was a really spontaneous decision of mine to even try out. today was only the dancing part, but maaaan i was terrible. I realized that when you have never danced before, you actually lack a sense of rhythm. I think the reason I don't have rhythm is a lack of some bone in my foot or something. well, the main problem was my memorization. when you do the dance for the coach guys or whatever, apparently you have to remember the dance, and i forgot to remember the dance. So I got all mixed up multiple times. I think it is even harder to get back on track when you mess up. You see, the reason why I did so awful is because in the 'training' i was playing off the person infront of me, and then they threw a fucking curveball and made us stand in a line, which blew my mind. So after today when I think of my future, I think of possible lawyer, doctor, politician, and maybe even a teacher. But any dreams I have of being a professional dancer are dashed. I was hoping a major in political science with a minor in salsa dancing could get me to presidential status, but now I will only be the president who can't salsa dance.

going into this, I was thinking, "Huh, boy, you haven't ever really danced before in your life have you?" and the amount of experience I acquired in my lifetime showed, which was short of nothing. But hey, I couldn't care less that I can't dance a conga line, I tried! And damnit, what more can a boy with two left feet do! so I am proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone, yeah! i could care less that I am making a defense mechanism!

So I look at this and think that I can overcome any challenge! except the vocal audition part is tomorrow...... fuck



extremely related

My Youth

One of my friends has a brother with a tattoo. It wasn't very professionally done and it was his favorite band's symbol to the left of one of his pecs on his chest. I have always had my parent's opinion when it comes to tattoos, that they are stupid and not worth having something on your body always. Yet he told me his reasoning behind getting his tattoo, "It was a symbol of my youth, it makes me think of all the good times I had whenever I look at it." This got me thinking about my youth.

Recently when I was driving I was just thinking of what I thought of my youth. I loved it to be completely honest. I loved all the moments, even the stupid ones that I am supposed to look back on with shame. The times that my decisions were 'less then thinking of the future' and 'less then... legal' I don't regret. I am glad I didn't get busted for these to be honest, so I look back with zero percent regret and 100% nostalgia.

I want to look back on my times and remember them being the greatest times of my life. I want every moment in my past to be fantastic and also, I want to look back when in the future at the present and think the same thoughts I am thinking of now when looking back into the past (wtf kind of sentence was that?)

So about tattoos, It doesn't sound so bad. For the first time in my life 5 minutes ago I actually considered getting one. What would I get? I don't know really, I don't think I would want a band symbol, but maybe something related to what the majority of my youth was devoted to, maybe something like video games. What would I get? A master sword and hyrulian shield maybe? Possibly mario, not sure, but if it was video games it would have to be nintendo. But also maybe something related to computer, but that might just be too nerdy.

I might not need a tattoo to look back into my youth with joyful nostalgia, but it sure would be fun to do!




probably not to this extent
wiinoob.com

more Karma

So I feel sort of bad, I was pretty mean to this guy. You see, in the musical, as rambled on before, I was in charge of moving the stinking stairs. Another 'stage tech' person was this other kid who seems a little different. He was in charge of moving the cube, alone with 3 other kids. He just really pissed everyone off in so many ways. I could blog 1200 words in a week easily just talking about him pissing me off, but thats not really what this post is about. It is about what I felt towards him, it was sort of weird. He would piss me off so so so bad and then I would be mean to him. He wasn't the one to stick up for himself very much. Afterward, I would feel terrible. It was almost like I was bipolar between pity and hatred.

In the middle of a scene, he walked off because he needed a drink. he just went off. We were so mad at him, I don't know how to handle this, as he seemed to be like a two year old. And when he got back, he said that he was not ignorant. I don't get how someone can be not ignorant yet so oblivious at the same time. I even stared him down one time. Yet after these moments, I still continued to feel bad for bullying this kid. I happened to know he liked to play rock paper scissors, so I played that with him. I immediately switched to the pitiful mood.

I wonder what this guy thinks of me. I wonder if he thinks that I am a bully, because I sure do think I was one. Yet I tried to make amends and be nice and give him a birthday present (which was a free burrito card from my wallet to pancheros). I would personally hate someone who was a jerk to me and then tried to be nice to make up for the mean times they acted like a jerk to me. I just don't know how to get things like not getting him to walk around behind the stage where the audience can see him without getting frustrated and angry at him.. don't get me wrong, after we got mad he didn't do it again, but that doesn't mean it felt good to do.

I think this one goes to karma to decide. How my karma ended up here? I am not sure, I think it is somewhere from neutral to bad. I am going to say sorry, but would it really mean anything? Just because it is over that means it won't happen again, but if the musical wasn't over I would still most likely get just as pissed at him. I still feel bad.



ncfy.com

Unintended Volunteering

So for the current musical the high school is putting on, I am probably on the stage more then anyone else in the entire production. I am not the lead principle actor however, not even the second most important. I got drafted to be the co-'stair guy'. Yeah, I move the effin stairs. What more do I do than that besides sing in the chorus? Nothing. I move the stairs, nothing more. Its pretty lame. And I am positive you are asking yourself, "oh mr, how did you get drafted to be such an important person sitting off on the side of the stage and not supposed to be moving, and moving the stairs when needed?" WELL FINE BLOGREADER, I got this stupid assignment on accident. A question by the director was asked of "hey, can someone come help move these stairs?" I accordingly volunteered myself for a quick minor task. Yet, he asked again later, "who helped me move the stairs again?" I politely raised my hand, and he responded that I was stranded on the stairs-moving island without an escape plan. Besides the main actors, I do much more work than anyone else in the entire play. All this work has made me bitter and bitter until I have been counting down the days until the whole damn thing finishes.

This situation brings up a lot of different thoughts about volunteering. I have always been one to raise my hand to offer a quick hand on a minor task, but being put into this morethen minor job was a different matter. I involuntarily volunteered. Yet, volunteering pleasures arise from the joys of helping others, and I am doing this, so I am honestly baffled and confused why I hate doing this so much. I am not sure if it is because the people around me are all just hanging out off stage messing around playing cards, while I am required to sit still and not talk or move. It is not relaxing, because the constant threat of 'DON'T EFF THIS UP YOU MORON" is lingering above my head. I also am confused because I did actually get some recognition from the director, telling me thanks for stepping up to move the stairs.

So I still wonder why I hate this damn job so damn much. I think the reason might go back to the involuntarily accidentally volunteering myself for more then I was originally going to voluntarily volunteer for. But dissonance arises as I chose to be someone with a nice set of morals in the first place, yet laziness and greed make me want to sit on my ass and watch some other poor sap move the goddamn stairs. It is not like I am going to just quit this however, I am going to stick it out. The best way to do that is to just shut up and do it. So this was my stair moving vent, phew.


the stairs sorta look like this
voyayer.efflecliffe.org.uk

No one can get anywhere without direction. Direction is everything, is is the way you are heading, it the way you are pointing is the exact way that you are going, and there is 359 other degrees you can be going, but however you are going this way. There is no wrong direction to take, as it cannot be something that could considered wrong... it is a matter of your preferred direction or nonpreferred direction. The manner of direction and just how right it is is what defines how effective something can be.

So I got onto this ramble of direction due to a bad direction that someone has been giving me recently. Someone who is supposed to be leading me lately has been giving awful direction. I say this because someone who chose to be a leader, and also someone who I accepted as a leader of my own has been leading me awfully. The reason why I am doing such a nastygram blog is due to this.. them blaming me for a lack of leadership skills that they are exibiting. I was blamed for speaking out of place when they were silent. Is that really fair? If I am not being led anywhere, why am I supposed to follow them? How do I even do that? I see no reason to do that to be honest. If they suck at being a leader, let someone else take over.

So again I was sort of stuck in a dilemma here, who should I let be my own personal leader? Do I follow the man in authority who has been giving me sass for not letting them be a totalitarian? Or should I just join in the mob and be another face in the crowd and give the dictator lip? How many alternative options are there, should I become a leader under the authority of the dictator? Or would I just look like a powerless dictator? Questions like these are dumb to answer, and I sort of prefer the easy way out. That is why people are so passive about things like this, because the bystander effect makes us just sit and do what they tell us...............now that was a good ramble lol




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totally almost irrelevant, yet only slightly related

chill out dude

I think everyone needs to slow down. It is simple as that, today as I was driving and sitting at a stop light I was thinking; everyone is always moving. I looked at all the faces that drove past me while I was waiting. We are constantly either sitting at a stop light or moving towards the next one. Never do you see people just watching stoplights from the sidewalks, as we don't seem to be accomplishing anything when that happens. It just feels like everyone is moving too fast and need to stop and watch the world around them.

Of course that is another one of the 'buellerisms' yet I feel it is so true. I also fall under this catagory of not enjoying what is infront of me. I feel it is hard for myself to even enjoy something as simple as the world around me because the world doesn't sit still for long enough to me to even catch the glipse of what is going on. This is another crazy what if moments, but what if everyone did decide to 'chill out' for a little bit. I know I sound like a wacked out San Franciscoian, but I think we all should just relax sometime. A moment where everyone could just go outside and slow down for a breather. Everywhere you go, there are people passing you busily on their way to work, out to eat, or to school.

I don't think we should do this national chillout day because of the environment, but for something a little bit more important- our selves. Yes everyone says the environment is important, but I think that our survival is a little bit more important. So I am not going into how the environment affects our survival, yet, I think our emotions and stuff are what really affect our survival as a human species. I think that one of the most important things to do as a human in order to keep one's sanity is to... like I frankly put it, chill out every once in a while.


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